I recently came across a review on Amazon about Dark Souls suggesting that I showed many of the personality disorder traits that I talk about in the book. I have also been criticised for the way the book is disjointed and unorganised. In some ways it’s a reflection of the way in which my mind was at the time the relationship ended. A few months after publishing I was re-treated for post traumatic stress. Often post traumatic stress doesn’t appear immediately and can come up when you least expect it. At the time of writing Dark Souls I felt as if I was on a mission to make sure that no one would ever have to go through what I had. Perhaps in hind site I should have taken more time to recover before writing the book and exposing myself in such an open and honest way.
When I first read the review I wasn’t upset I was actually in agreement. Because at the time I was feeling crazy. In the past based on my old belief systems I would have honestly took myself back the counsellor and said “Am I crazy” only to be told yet again that there was nothing wrong with me.
When we stay with these people we are left feeling and often acting pretty much as crazy as the people we have been in relationship with. Many psychopaths find victims and targets who are empaths. Empaths tend to have no boundaries whatsoever and without knowing what’s happening to us we may be inclined to literally take on their unowned feelings and start to think they are our own. I have had many emails from women and men saying that during the relationship they have done things they would have never done before. Often they will act totally out of character.
For example my natural state is quite calm and placid and yet whilst I was with this man I was very angry. At one point during the relationship I think I actually felt rage and yet I have never felt this kind of emotion in my life. Yet the moment I was away from him for any length of time that anger soon disappeared. Having left him now for over 18 months I am happy, calm and have none of the feelings I described in Dark Souls that I had whilst I was with him. I no longer feel the need to act out in ways I would have done in the past.
I am also reliably informed that I do not have any personality disorder by my counsellor just a history of being around far too many disordered people throughout my life that led me to a very unhealthy belief system about myself..
Years ago when I first went for counselling it was suggested to me that someone very close to me was a borderline personality. I tried to explain that when I was around them I felt and acted crazy. The counsellor said that when you are around borderlines bits of their personality appear to jump off onto the victim. They asked me how I felt when I was away from them. I had to think for a second as I had been with them for many years and I replied “Actually I feel great, I don’t feel unhappy or crazy”. For those of you who haven’t experienced the joys of living with a borderline and who aren’t an empath the following article gives you an idea of the kind of crazy making behaviour that one has to deal with. Whether your with a borderline, a narcissist or a psychopath, if your an empath your likely to take on their stuff and may well not be able to separate out your own personality from theirs.
I recently received one of many emails I get daily from an empath who said the following"
"I know that I started to take on his traits during the relationship and did MANY things that were totally against the real person that I was. He pulled me so deep into his disorder and screwed up thinking and behavior that I was not me anymore. I guess they want US to be like THEM so that they can believe they are “okay” if we are also doing and saying the things they are. I would be embarrassed to tell people the things I did when I was with him. Fortunately, my close, longtime friends and coworkers (who also know my ex) all know that I was conned and manipulated and lied to the entire time. They knew me “before” the relationship and they knew him “before” the relationship and, well, now he has no friends left from that circle of people. He has alienated all of them. Thank God I was a good person with integrity and credibility before him. It served me well afterward."
This is one of the reasons certain people like empaths need make sure they are not around people who have personalities disorders, or at least if they do have to spend time around them, make efforts to learn how to spot them first. Once they learn how to spot psychopaths and other people with more dangerous personality disorders they can then learn some skills to protect themselves. Nowadays I avoid all contact with anyone that I know to be extremely disordered and as a result I no longer feel or act crazy.
Before the encounter with the psychopathic ex I didn’t know what a disordered personality was in fact I had spent much of my life thinking that it was me that was the crazy person. It was only through counselling and understanding of my own part in the addictive cycle of the relationship that I came to realise that it was the other way round.
Its worth noting that if it wasn’t for so many narcissists or psychopaths or other severely character disturbed individuals on this planet there would be no need for therapy at all. The only people who benefit from therapy are neurotics. The mere fact that genuinely neurotic victims question their own sanity means they are able to have treatment and move on with the lives. They can make changes to their own behaviour and become happy and healthy individuals. The character disturbed on the other hand cannot. They are happy in their disorder.
Sadly its left up to us “crazy” victims to educate ourselves and empower ourselves because the psychopathic personality will never once question whether or not they are crazy and in the meantime until people wake up they will happily spend their time projecting their own insanity on the rest population.
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