Getting over a relationship with a Psychopath


How long is a piece of String?


I was contemplating the subject of how long it takes to get over a relationship with a psychopath especially as I coach other victims who have been targets for these predatory types of disordered personalities. So I looked at my own experience and those of others who have shared their experiences with me and came up with the following answer. How long is a Piece of String?


You see the problem with any kind of relationship i.e, a normal relationship is that when it ends you have time to grieve the relationship but the stages in the relationship cycle between the victim and psychopath are quite different.


  2. You come to the stark realisation that you have been dating someone that is a cardboard cut-out. A clone or a drone and not a real person. Its hard to grieve over something that never existed in the first place.  There is often no closure.

  3. You have the realisation that you have been had. You were well and truly conned by a person whose sole modus operandi was to exploit and manipulate right from the beginning.


  1. You may start blaming yourself and then go into guilt and blame of yourself thinking “why was I so stupid, what did I do wrong” If your sensible, you may even get yourself into therapy. If you are lucky enough to get a therapist that understands the psychopathic personality you then realise what you have been dealing with assuming you haven't already researched the disorder yourself.


  1. You start processing your emotions, usually a combination of sadness, grief mixed with anger at the months or years you have wasted with this person. You may feel frustrated that had you been better armed with information about psycopaths in the beginning you may have avoided them in the first place. 

  2. You may have to deal with other things such as authorities, police and so on especially if your psychopathic ex was violent and threatening.

  3. If you have children with your psychopathic ex there is no clean break or mutual separation whereby the needs of the children come first. You are left to either deal with the children on your own or spend years in court because they will not allow you custody of them.

  4. If you have grown up with dysfunctional disordered personality parents and realised that this was the reason the Dark Soul or psychopath picked you out in the first place,you may have to go through a secondary phase of realisation and more therapy dealing with the fallout of how that has affected your choices in relationships.

  5. Since most psychopathic types will either devalue and disregard the moment the relationships is over, you are left to deal with the trying to come to terms with understanding why a person would do such heinous acts, OR if they may be the type who will not let go and you are left to deal with constantly trying to move on with your life whilst they refuse to let you. See my other post on Dark Souls the Destroyer.

  1. You may suffer from Post traumatic stress and have to find ways of coping with treatment unless eventually you learn to stop being triggered by events and situations that remind you of your relationship with your psychopathic ex.

And finally

After all of this you may have to continue to clean up the mess they have left behind! Not just the emotional devastation but usually a big financial mess which these Dark souls nearly always walk away from and leave their victims to clean up after them. Finding your whole life savings have disappeared down the plughole in one fail swoop is not only a bitter pill to swallow but something you cannot choose to ignore.


So how long does it take? Is it weeks, months or years? It all depends a combination of factors including:

  • how long you invested in the relationship;
  • whether they managed to con you and get money from you;
  • whether or not you have children with them;
  • how old you are
  • Your emotional state
  • your capacity to work after the relationship is over

    and numerous other factors


So I go back to my analogy “How long is a piece of String?”


Recently I was contacted by a very successful client who just lost half a million pounds, (their whole life savings) to a very slick psychopath whom had they discovered just finished a prison sentence only a few months earlier for a similar offence. How long it will take them to recover emotionally all depends on how quickly they resolves in their mind that the relationship never existed in the first place and how good their therapy is.  however coming to terms with losing more money than most people see in a lifetime is a whole different matter.


They say money doesn't buy happiness but when you are left penniless like many victims are and spend years having to pay back the debts these predators walk away from without batting an eyelid or are left to pick up the pieces looking after children these psychopaths don't care about one iota, the string appears to be substantially longer.