Getting over a relationship with a
How long is a piece of String?
I was contemplating the subject of how long it takes to get over a relationship with
a psychopath especially as I coach other victims who have been targets for these predatory types of disordered
personalities. So I looked at my own experience and those of others who have shared their experiences with me and
came up with the following answer. How long is a Piece of String?
You see the problem with any kind of relationship i.e, a normal relationship
is that when it ends you have time to grieve the relationship but the stages in the relationship cycle between the
victim and psychopath are quite different.
You come to the stark realisation that you have been dating someone that is a
cardboard cut-out. A clone or a drone and not a real person. Its hard to grieve over something
that never existed in the first place. There is often no closure.
You have the realisation that you have been had. You were well and truly
conned by a person whose sole modus operandi was to exploit and manipulate right from the
You may start blaming yourself and then go into guilt and blame of
yourself thinking “why was I so stupid, what did I do wrong” If your sensible, you may
even get yourself into therapy. If you are lucky enough to get a therapist that understands the
psychopathic personality you then realise what you have been dealing with assuming you haven't already
researched the disorder yourself.
You start processing your emotions, usually a combination of sadness, grief
mixed with anger at the months or years you have wasted with this person. You may feel frustrated that had
you been better armed with information about psycopaths in the beginning you may have avoided them in the
You may have to deal with other things such as authorities, police and so on
especially if your psychopathic ex was violent and threatening.
If you have children with your psychopathic ex there is
no clean break or mutual separation whereby the needs of the children come first.
You are left to either deal with the children on your own or spend years in court because they will not
allow you custody of them.
If you have grown up with dysfunctional disordered personality parents and
realised that this was the reason the Dark Soul or psychopath picked you out in the first place,you may
have to go through a secondary phase of realisation and more therapy dealing with the fallout of how that
has affected your choices in relationships.
Since most psychopathic types will either devalue and disregard the moment
the relationships is over, you are left to deal with the trying to come to terms with understanding why a
person would do such heinous acts, OR if they may be the type who will not let go and you are left to deal
with constantly trying to move on with your life whilst they refuse to let you. See my other post on
Dark Souls the Destroyer.
You may suffer from Post traumatic stress and have
to find ways of coping with treatment unless eventually you learn to stop being triggered by events and
situations that remind you of your relationship with your psychopathic ex.
After all of this you may have to continue to clean up the mess they have left
behind! Not just the emotional devastation but usually a big financial mess which these Dark souls nearly
always walk away from and leave their victims to clean up after them. Finding your whole life savings have
disappeared down the plughole in one fail swoop is not only a bitter pill to swallow but something you cannot
choose to ignore.
So how long does it take? Is it weeks, months or years? It all depends a combination
of factors including:
how long you invested in the relationship;
whether they managed to con you and get money from you;
whether or not you have children with them;
how old you are
Your emotional state
your capacity to work after the relationship is over
and numerous other factors
So I go back to my analogy “How long is a piece of String?”
Recently I was contacted by a very successful client who just lost half a million
pounds, (their whole life savings) to a very slick psychopath whom had they discovered just finished a prison
sentence only a few months earlier for a similar offence. How long it will take them to recover emotionally
all depends on how quickly they resolves in their mind that the relationship never existed in the first
place and how good their therapy is. however coming to terms with losing more money than most people see in a
lifetime is a whole different matter.
They say money doesn't buy happiness but when you are left penniless like many
victims are and spend years having to pay back the debts these predators walk away from without batting an eyelid
or are left to pick up the pieces looking after children these psychopaths don't care about one iota, the string
appears to be substantially longer.