A slightly sarcastic look at

How to get a degree in psychology and psychopaths (the hard way!)

Step 1

Find yourself a tutor, preferably male. One that is charismatic, charming and very persuasive amongst other things. If you want to really do it the hard way make sure he has all of the traits listed on Lovefraud 

Step 2

Arrange to meet for an interview. This interview is unlike the kind of interview you normally have and the “tutor” will make sure that he assesses every possible part of your personality, mind, body and spirit in order to see whether you are a right fit for the “course”.

Some of the attributes that will get you past the interview stage include, empathy, kindness, ability to trust and see the good in all people, intelligence, survival skills, just to name but a few.

Step 3

The interview process. This will normally although not always include you sleeping with your tutor in order that he can create a real connection with his “favourite student”. Most people pass this stage with flying colours and your tutor may often call you back for interviews at any time in order to reinforce what a great student you are. This makes the student feel special especially when they appear to be the only one sleeping with their “teacher”.

Step 4

Achieving good grades. Most students who take this course will be very hard working and want to do the best at all times. To achieve good grades make sure that you have plenty to offer the teacher. They are not really interesting in your academic skills. (Remember you are doing this course the hard way!) All they are interested is in whether you have the ability to keep on giving them supply. If you do then great you are going to pass onto the next level with flying colours and a gold star.

Step 5

Wanting to change subjects. This is when you realise that the course you are on is not as fun as the teacher made it out to be in the beginning. What they promised at the start of the course is starting to become totally different to what you are actually getting. Your not getting the attention you deserve, you may be running out of things to give your tutur in order to achieve your grades and you may end up having to do extra homework on the internet to learn about psychology, psychopaths and narcissists.

Step 6

Your at the end of term 2 and you realise you don't have enough funds, energy or will to keep on going and your teacher is not being very supportive. They start saying things like the reasons your are not doing well is because you aren't good enough, or because you haven't got what it takes to graduate. By this time they may already be looking for other students to fill your shoes. If your grades aren't A star and up to scratch all the time your tutor may start punishing you in the form of verbal, and physical punishments.  They do this because they know you are a stayer and will keep on trying just a little harder.

Step 7

At this point in the course many students give up and forget why they wanted to do the course in the first place. They may have already cut their losses until such time as an opportunity to re-do all the coursework all over again when they bump into yet another tutor. (If this has happened a few times in the past it is going to be very costly for the student both financially and emotionally - especially if they had already started doing the course with the parent teacher when they were a child) 

In the meantime they are searching for answers in order to complete the course and may start searching things like, “sociopaths”, “psychopaths”, “narcissistic personality disorder” and so on.

Step 8

The Aha moment. When the student realises they are never going to graduate unless they do one thing. LEAVE!.

They suddenly realise they are already fully expert in the behaviours of disordered personalities but there is no graduation ceremony and no certificate!

At this point the only way to receive their qualification and recoup all their hard earned efforts is to relearn everything over again. They may go on forums, sign up to blogs and then often they will go and have therapy. When they meet the therapist sometimes they tell them that their tutor wasn't quite what they thought they were and that they may in fact have been dealing with a psychopath all along.

Step 9

The penny Drops. At this point the student is busy working away trying to understand what the hell went wrong on this course. Often they realise the only way to graduation day is actually finish off their journey by writing a thesis on these characters. Often the thesis will be in the form of a book because they were a victim. However this thesis is usually much longer than the one they would have written on a “normal” psychology course.

Step 10

For those wishing to do an advanced PHD (personal heartwrenching dissertation) in psychopaths often victims will publish their thesis online or share it with friends and family who have helped them pick up the pieces along the way in the hope that they can finally graduate and use the skills they have learn the hard way and pass their experiences on to others.

Of course you dont have to do all of these steps in order to be an expert on psychopaths but it does help.

Contratulations you have just graduated in the school of targets!

Below is a comparison for those considering doing a degree in psychopaths the hard way by direct experiece as opposed to the easy way.

*On a positive note - Despite your lack of credentials you will be an expert on psychopaths and you will also know how to spot them in the future and save yourself doing the course all over again and because you have invested so much time and effort in learning what makes them tick the hard way you deserve a gold star!  Well done.

Good luck and choose your course wisely